The Walk Through

The realtor came and loved our home! Of course! What's not to love? Well a few things.

- paint front poach.
- fix a falling gutter

Really that was it. Touch up's here and there. Little things that you let go. She loved it so much and kept gushing about how great it was that it gave me second thoughts. I like living in a place that others desire.  B's to do list is a mile long. So is mine. We will email her on Monday with what we decide to list and then we are off.... It's hard not knowing where we are going!! And the realtor seemed to think that it would sell quick! Like we should start to look for houses as soon as we list.  I guess that is the ideal though right? She wants to do a open house in the first two weeks! So this weekend is a power push to get things done. I'm overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed leaves to waves of doubt. Mostly because I like my large home. I like having a place where guests have their  own bed and bath. I love well....I am going to post the detailed list floor by floor soon. Friends my age are buying the "forever" house. They are moving west - suburbia!! Out to pasture :) We are downsizing. I love the city and living in a mixed income and racial neighborhood. I enjoy being pushed out of my comfort zone when E and I go to the park. The families there are nothing like the ones I grew up with.  I am wresting with the fact that we are doing something counter cultural. Choosing to live below our means - instead of stretching so we can keep up with everybody else. Also, I guess as much as I shun the 'burbs somehow I always figured you end up at a place like my parents. Granted our parents moved into those houses when they were 40 after working for 20 years. How are young families our age getting those house now? At 26 buying a house on a lake? We are guilty too. Our first home was a four bedroom, three bath turn of the century beauty. Granted it wasn't in the country or on a lake but we still bypassed the starter home and working hard for 20 years to get our dream home. This new home will benefit us financial in the short and long but....I'm sure going to miss this place

The house we are moving into is the house for the next 5 years. Not forever. But WOW! is this bringing out some struggles for me. I think most women long to have a beautiful home and be a gracious host. Have a home where people love to come and hang out. My ideal of hospitality has been challenged in the past and is again. I always think back to in high school the friends house we loved hanging out at the most was actually the smallest. It was just the most warm and her mother was the best. Hospitality isn't about things or décor - it's about warmth and love. That moves with us. We can still host a friend's surprise birthday party. it just might be a little more crowded now! I will wrestle with feeling like I have to explain these things to everybody. Give them our back story and explain away why we are doing what we are. I am proud of our decision. I know it is the best for us. And at the end of the day it's excited. But the road getting there going to be full of open houses, and long days.

When I feel myself starting to have a pity party I think of those beautiful kids in Haiti. Half starved. Or the mother who couldn't eat the peanut butter we offered her because she hadn't in so long it would cause her to vomit. I think about trying to sit down and explain to her my anxiety over the last two days. As I sit in air conditioning on a down bed. My refrigerator overflowing from my trip to Costco. Maybe I could get over myself? My feeling are worth feeling and dealing with but at the end of the day I need someone to smack me and give me perspective. This move will free up so much more in our budget to GIVE!!

Live simply so others may simply live...

Ella Moment:.. I blew Ella a kiss tonight at dinner. She proceed to make a "kiss" lip smacking noise. To do this she sucks in her lips so she looks like an old lady without dentures. Cutest things she has done yet!!  We gave each other kisses back and forth almost a dozen times. Pretty sure that can happen anywhere our happy family is together!